General Conference Considered: Am I Really a Child of God? by Elder Brian Taylor

In the movie "Fiddler on the Roof", Tevye explains that one thing that helped his people keep their balance was their traditions, and that because of those traditions, "every one of us knows who he is, and what God expects him to do."

Mothers, there is power in knowing who we are and what is expected of us, as well.

Elder Brian K Taylor taught about this in his recent general conference address. He said, "When asked, 'How can we help those struggling with [a personal challenge]?' an Apostle of the Lord instructed, 'Teach them their identity and their purpose'.”

When I heard those words, they rang true. I've experienced power in recognizing my identity and purpose! When I am tempted to selfishness, knowing I am a representative of Christ to my children helps me to resist. When I feel discouraged about falling short in so many areas, knowing that I am Heavenly Father's own loved daughter gives me hope and peace.

I loved Elder Taylor's reminder of this when he quoted Brigham Young: “When you … see our Father, you will see a being with whom you have long been acquainted, and he will receive you into his arms, and you will be ready to fall into his embrace and kiss him.”

Satan knows we can find great power in remembering who we are and the sacred importance of our calling as mothers, so he does all he can to belittle our role and to distract us from seeing it's importance. Speaking directly to us Elder Taylor said, "To mothers, especially young mothers, who often feel overwhelmed and underwater while striving to raise 'a sin-resistant generation,' never underestimate your central role in God’s plan. In stressful moments...know that God sanctifies your most difficult days."

This reminded me of a C S Lewis quote I love: "The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day."

We must remember on those ordinary, or even on extraordinarily challenging days, that this truly is what we were born to do. This day we are serving God and accomplishing something great as we minister to our families. That is not small or menial or insignificant.

One more favorite quote, this time from G K Chesterton, to put our purpose as mothers in perspective: "How can it be a large career to tell other people's children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one's own children about the universe?
How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No. A woman's function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness.”

I am grateful for Elder Taylor's witness of the importance of recognizing and remembering who I am and what's expected of me. Hopefully reading and rereading his talk (as President Nelson suggested) will strengthen my testimony of the importance of knowing my identity and purpose and of teaching my children of theirs!

In Gratitude for the Gift of Grace

Grace: “Divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ.” (LDS Bible Dictionary)

In the Book of Mormon we learn that “it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do” (2 Ne 25:23).

I know sometimes people wonder about that balance between grace, and “all we can do”. To me, doing all I can do may not get me very far, but it is what shows the Lord that I can be trusted, that I am serious and sincere; it’s that effort that makes me moldable so I can be fit for His presence.

I like to think of Grace like a train ticket the Savior has bought and paid for. In my little analogy the train is Heavenly Father’s plan for getting His children back home. He has the perfect train on the perfect track, and it goes right back to Him. But the tickets are expensive— much more than we could ever possibly afford. If we gave all we had it still wouldn’t be enough. But, “thanks be to God”, the ticket's already paid for. That’s what Jesus Christ’s Atonement did. All we have to do is get on the train… and stay on. That’s something completely within our capacity, though it turns out to require all our effort just to do that much. But without that ticket, no matter how hard we tried, we wouldn’t get anywhere.

I am grateful for the gift of divine grace.

Through grace, I receive power to change from old ways to new.

Through the gift of grace, I will one day be resurrected, as will my loved ones whom I long to see again— death has lost the victory.

Through grace, I hope to finally “lay hold on eternal life”.

Through grace, even though my best efforts aren’t much, they are enough.

Jesus Christ, My Example

We have fewer than 200 pages telling us of Jesus’ mortal life, and many of those pages are retellings of the the same stories. The four gospels only cover three years of His life in any detail. While we don’t know what He did in every situation, somehow there’s enough in those pages to get a pretty good idea of what Jesus would do.

Jesus Was Patient
How often we read in the Gospels of Jesus being surrounded by crowds waiting for His attention and help and healing. Yet He never reacted and demanded to be left alone or for everyone to quiet down, or go away or wait their turn. Nor did He frantically run from person to person, trying to solve everything, or do two or three things at once. He was patient as He continually ministered to the needs of those around Him.

Jesus Didn’t Consider His Service Too Lowly
Much of Jesus’ time seems to have been spent caring for people’s physical needs. He fed the hungry. He washed feet, healed blind eyes, held the children, noticed the sad and comforted them. He didn’t consider this service below Him. He was the God who had created the earth, yet He wasn’t above eating with the poor and outcast and sinners.

Jesus Was Always a Teacher
Jesus recognized teaching moments. He knew when a heart was soft, when someone was ready to learn. He didn’t postpone teaching but took the time right then when the learner was listening, and taught in a way they could understand. And he didn’t just try to hurry through the lesson and give a lecture and call it good. He took the time to do it right; to ask thought-provoking questions, to tell stories, to listen to responses.

Jesus Spent Time With His Father
As important as meeting needs of the multitudes was, Jesus put first thing first and spent time with the Father. He went to wilderness places, private places, where He could pray and listen. There were people He could have been feeding or healing in those moments when He was alone with the the Father, but He was wise enough to know we all need to fill our cups so we’ll have something to share.

Jesus Kept Covenants
In all of these things Jesus gave us the example or doing hard, or inconvenient, or unpleasant tasks. He never shirked. He didn’t let moods dictate His decisions. But nothing compares to His willingness to descend below al things for us. When He performed the Atonement, to close the gap between us and our Father, it was harder than He had expected it to be. He felt weaker than He realized. He hoped there was some other way to accomplish what He had promised. But there wasn’t, so He submitted and fulfilled all the Father asked and all that He had Covenanted.

I am so grateful for His example. Just in these ways I’ve mentioned, His example gives me a guide for most of the choices I face from day to day. It may seem a trite and worn phrase, but how much better my life is when I truly consider, “What would Jesus do?”

What Jesus Christ Means to Me: My Healer

As Easter approaches I want to spend a few weeks sharing what the Savior means to me.

He is many things to me, but again and again I discover that He is my healer.

Just the other day something upset me and I knew I needed to feel calm in order to deal with it. Although I didn't exactly feel in the mood to pray, I did it anyway. As I did I sighed, letting go of the pain I was feeling; clenching it tightly, I wouldn't have been able to deal with the problem.

I loosened my grasp on my pain, but where did it go? Did the wrong done me cease to exist? No, it was real, but the Savior had taken it from me. He cares about all those pains! A beautiful passage in the Book of Mormon makes this clear:

And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

As I offered what hurt me to the Savior, He took that burden to free me. In that moment He once again healed me. It wasn't the first time. He's healed me when I'm afraid, when I'm weak; He's healed me from physcal aliments and bad habits and wrong thinking. But like the healing He offered me the other day, I have to reach out to Him for it.

His Healing Touch 

With just one touch the Savior healed a blind man’s eyes.

He hushed and stilled a mourning sister’s lonely cries.

A man tormented; Jesus spoke and devils fled.

At Jesus’ touch the dead were raised to live again.

A multitude of hungry mouths-- He fed them all.

The lepers, too, He healed when on His name they called.

The woman who for many years, such suffering bore

When once she had touched Jesus’ cloak, felt pain no more.

Then might I, too, bring  Him my needy, hungering soul?

My broken and my yearning heart--can He make whole?

My heart and eyes and hands and life to Him I’ll give.

If He’ll but touch them, He will heal them-- make me live!

I know that our Savior Jesus Christ has the power to heal every ill, and only awaits our turning to Him. In the simple act of prayer, of turning our thoughts to Him, we begin to access His grace.

What is Marriage?

When we were married someone gave us a throw that said, “Marriage: the Beautiful Blending of Two Lives”. After 20 years of seeing this quote every day, I have to agree there is truth in it, but in my words it would probably say, “the blending of two incomplete lives into one whole”. Whether or not that blending becomes something beautiful depends entirely on the effort and care of the artists at work. I don’t know for sure what the dictionary says marriage is, but marriage is certainly something a little different for each couple. One of the things we probably all have in common, though, is the potential to complete and complement each other.

Where one is weak, the other is strong

Each half of a married couple has different strengths, talents, skills, and weaknesses. Often in the areas where one of us is most weak, the other is strong. I might be on time for everything while my husband is late, yet he may be more sensitive to needs of people around him while I’m more task-oriented. And when we come together to create a family, there is that possibility of our family having the very best of attributes.

No one can care for another like a spouse can

As a husband and wife commit to love and care for each other, there is a potential for the kind of tender, sensitive care that no other relationship could ever benefit from. We know each other intimately and we spend our lives together pursuing one purpose. We know the struggles and needs and fears and frailties of the other and are the best fit in the world to minister to that one person.

We often know each other better than we know ourselves

It’s been funny to discover that often, after all these years, my husband sometimes knows me better than I know myself. When we recently played a “Newlywed” game at a Valentine’s party, we didn’t do very well. It wasn’t because my husband didn’t know my favorite book or dessert or song, it was because I didn’t; but when I heard his answers I thought, “Oh, that’s right!” I often seem to know things about him that he doesn’t recognize as well, like his potential and talents and abilities that he doesn’t dare to believe in.

We have complementary God-given roles

Perhaps the most important way we complement each other is in our God-given family roles. I, as wife and mother, have certain responsibilities, and it just so happens that by nature they are the ones I am more fit for. Likewise, my husband’s role fits just what he’s good at and enjoys. In the document “The Family: A Proclamation to the World”, modern prophets state what has long been assumed: that husbands and wives have divine and separate roles and yet are to help each other as equal partners. “Fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” As I have put my best efforts into fulfilling my role, it’s a comfort to know that he is taking care of his.

A beautiful marriage takes effort and care and dedication. It takes each spouse fulfilling their roles, supporting the other, building each other rather than tearing down, and being patient and kind. But the blending of two incomplete lives into one can truly be beautiful.

Why Would I Want a Baby?

I awoke during the night and lay there but couldn’t go back to sleep. I had started thinking with excitement about the changes that will happen in our lives in about 7 weeks: we’re going to have a baby! It’s not that I’ve never had a baby before—I’ve had several (10 to be exact), but anticipation of each one’s arrival is enough to keep me up at night.

Why would anyone want a baby, you may ask. A baby means more responsibility and less sleep. It’s one more person to depend on you for life, diapers, burp cloths and car seats. Why would anyone want a baby? I’ll tell you.

First the more obvious reasons: babies are cute. Whatever you may have heard about newborn babies resembling their own grandpas, they are indescribably cute. And when it’s your own baby and not just a borrowed one, the baby has all the more power over you. The little thing is soft and cuddly and smells  so sweet. Witnessing him become aware of his world is enchanting. At first it’s delightful just to watch him sleep and hear his soft uneven breathing and listen to his little squeaks. Then after a few weeks of making a fool of yourself by talking baby talk and making faces, he finally smiles back at your antics and you begin to hope he recognizes you and loves you half as much as you already love him.

And secondly, on the more serious side, babies complete families, and families are what it’s all about. Families are central for our reason for coming to earth and to our potential for happiness here and hereafter. A baby it not only cute, it is a person. As much as I love to cuddle and care for my babies, I know very well that babies don’t keep—they grow up. When a baby joins our family, it’s not a toy, or a puppy or a kitten, it’s an individual with unlimited potential, latent gifts and talents, and so much to teach us and bring to our family. Each one of our babies has had a unique impact on our family as they’ve grown up and developed their individuality.

But long before they grow up they spend a while being babies, and while they give very little back to us as parents by way of any measurable material benefit, they give us the best gift of all- an opportunity for joy through service. After all, joy isn’t really found in ease and idleness as we are some times tricked into thinking. Joy comes through sacrifice and service. What better way to give needed service without any immediate recompense than in caring for a helpless baby? The secret of happiness often seems like a paradox to our mortal minds, but joy truly comes from what we give, not from what we get. I have experienced this countless times and know for myself that the harder I search for joy the more elusive it becomes, but as I forget my self and serve, joy comes to me. And many of my most joyful moments have been found in the service of my helpless little babies.

So if I find myself up again tonight, unable to sleep, you can bet I won’t be worrying about diapers or car seats, or more sleepless nights ahead. I’ll be thinking about soft cheeks and incredible potential and families. And about joy.

What is Love?

Valentine’s Day is around the corner (or the weekend) so naturally my thoughts turn to love. But what is love, anyway? Have you ever really pondered that?

My daughter’s 14 year-old friend recently shared her definition: “…based off of my first crush….When they look at you, you look away. Whenever you stand near them, you can’t talk. When they talk to you, you mumble and blush and try to play it cool. You think about them a lot you think that you see them everywhere...”

I couldn’t help but giggle at this rather accurate description of infatuation... but what about love? Is it a feeling? Something you can’t control? Is it something you can fall into, like a puddle? Is it something you can create? Imagine? Share? Keep to yourself?

My wise old dictionary has this to say:

 “An affection of the mind excited by beauty and worth of any kind, or by the qualities of an object which communicate pleasure.” Webster’s 1828 Dictionary

But like you may have asked when you were 14, how do you know if it’s real love?

I have to look to my greatest example to judge the feelings I myself have.

Jesus Christ, as in all things, is the perfect example of love. He also had much to say on the subject. He is the one who mentioned loving others as you love yourself, and that the greatest display of love is the laying down of one’s life for those one loves. He exemplified what he taught; he often, in the few pages we have about his life, put the needs of others not equal with his own, but above his own. 

When weary he kept serving (Luke 4:40). When trying to find time to ponder alone, he got up to help (Luke 9:10-11) and of course in his atoning sacrifice, though he pleaded to be released from such unbearable agony if there was any other way to save us, when he found there was not he kept on enduring, all the way to the end, out of love (Luke 22:42).

He laid down his life day by day in his untiring service, washing feet, healing wounds, teaching, feeding, comforting. And in the end he literally laid it down to rescue us.

So, do I love? And what or who do I love? Who do I care about like I care about myself? What am I laying down my life for day by day, even minute by minute. Being human, I’m sometimes distracted, even from what really matters to me. But what do I keep coming back to and never give up on?

I’m pretty sure love is a lot more than mumbling and blushing, or falling in a puddle, or even a strong “affection of the mind”. If I learn anything from Jesus, I think love is a verb.